5 Tips on How to Help a Loved One Struggling with Addiction While Holding Boundaries

Addiction doesn’t just affect the person using drugs or alcohol—it affects everyone around them. It often leads to broken trust, financial struggles, emotional distress, and fractured relationships. Families and friends of people with addiction may feel exhausted, manipulated, or even guilty for not being able to “fix” their loved one.
It’s important to recognize that addiction is a disease, not a moral failing. However, that doesn’t mean the person struggling with addiction isn’t responsible for their actions. Loving someone with an addiction means offering support while also refusing to enable destructive behaviors.

What Does Healthy Support Look Like?

It’s possible to be supportive while maintaining boundaries. Here’s how:

• 1. Listen Without Trying to Fix Everything
  • One of the most frustrating aspects of addiction is that no amount of logic or persuasion can force someone to change. Instead of trying to talk them out of their addiction, practice active listening. Let them share their struggles without immediately offering solutions. Sometimes, simply feeling heard can be a powerful first step for someone considering recovery.

• 2. Encourage Treatment Without Forcing It
  • You can’t make someone get help if they aren’t ready. However, you can plant seeds by sharing information about treatment options, offering to attend a support group with them, or helping them look into rehab programs. Be prepared for resistance—many people in active addiction deny they have a problem. Stay calm, express concern, and let them know you’re available when they’re ready.
• 3. Set Clear Boundaries
  • Boundaries are necessary to protect your mental, emotional, and even physical well-being. They also help your loved one recognize the consequences of their actions. Examples of healthy boundaries include:
  • “I will not give you money, but I can help you find resources.”
  • “You cannot stay in my home if you are actively using.”
  • “I will not lie for you, cover for you, or bail you out of legal trouble.”
  • “I love you, but I will not engage with you when you are intoxicated.”
  • Setting these boundaries might feel harsh, but in reality, they allow you to help without being manipulated or enabling destructive behaviors.
• 4. Avoid Enabling Behaviors
  • It’s natural to want to shield your loved one from the consequences of their addiction, but doing so often keeps them stuck. Enabling behaviors include:
  • Giving them money that may be used to buy drugs or alcohol.
  • Covering for them at work or school.
  • Bailing them out of legal trouble.
  • Making excuses for their behavior.
  • By refusing to enable, you allow them to experience the reality of their addiction, which may push them toward seeking help.
• 5. Take Care of Yourself First
  • Supporting someone with an addiction is emotionally exhausting. Many people neglect their own well-being while focusing on their loved one’s struggles. It’s crucial to:
  • Attend support groups like Al-Anon or Nar-Anon.
  • Set time aside for your own self-care.
  • Seek therapy or counseling if needed.
  • Remember that their addiction is not your fault.
  • You can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself allows you to be a stronger source of support.

A loved one is struggling with addiction: When they want help

If your loved one expresses a desire to get sober, act quickly. Addiction is unpredictable, and moments of willingness can be fleeting. Offer to help research treatment options, drive them to an appointment, or make a call with them. But remember—they have to take responsibility for their own recovery.

Loving someone with an addiction is difficult, but holding firm boundaries allows you to support them in a healthy way. And if they choose recovery, your role will evolve—but your support will remain just as important.